Over and out.

There is a lot that I want to say, considering this is my last blog post. My goal of finishing a half marathon is now complete - I finished the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in about 2 hours and 45 minutes, and am extremely proud, relieved, and of course - ridiculously sore (and the worst pain hasn't even hit me yet).

I set out on this marathon with two goals - to complete it, and to take in my surroundings. I accomplished both the goals fully, so huzzah! I had my phone and my headphones, but I never used my headphones because there were bands upon bands and people upon people cheering you and rooting for you. Why would I listen to recorded music when there was live music playing? (An intriguing video about the loneliness that comes with technology: http://blog.petflow.com/this-is-a-video-everyone-needs-to-see-for-the-first-time-in-my-life-im-speechless/) It was an incredible feeling to have so many strangers out there egging you on to finish, just because. The amount of support you could feel in the air was incomparable to anything I've experienced before. Kids, dogs, families, individuals - everyone out early on a Sunday morning, some outside their house, others far away - yelling their hearts out telling the 32,000 people to keep going. I felt lucky to be one of the people being cheered on. They didn't know me, and yet they believed in me.

My two good friends that ran with me, and stayed with me the entire way even though they could've gone ahead, way ahead, were the sole reason I finished in the time that I did. I had to keep going for them. It was simple - they didn't attempt their personal best to give me company and I just couldn't give up.

As for the running and what went through my head - the first two miles were warmup pains, the next four miles was just coasting through and taking in the beautiful scenery and the amazing people around, and laughing at all the incredible (and hilarious) signs that people made ("You better run fast - I just farted!", "Keep running - Ryan Gosling is waiting for you at the end of the line.", "Run like you just stole something!") and feeling awesome! Two ladies had this message at the back of their shirts: "Slow runners make fast runners look good. You are welcome!" and I really wanted that shirt. There were people of all ages and builds and paces (well I only really saw people that were running at a comparable pace to mine) - when you see a 70+ year old man limping along faster than you, there is automatic motivation. Miles 7-9 was pushing myself a little bit - that was officially farther than my longest training run.

The last 4 miles were the worst of the lot (duh!). Pittsburgh course has a few hills but they hit you with an incline at the tail end which really pushes your mental strength. There was a point when I was in enough pain that I couldn't walk, but I was tired enough that I couldn't run - so deciding what to do was a dilemma. I dedicated each mile to a person I loved (after I saw a sign in Mile 1 that asked me to do so) and this was especially inspiring in my last few miles when my legs turned into jelly and the pain was radiating everywhere. A close friend of mine came to the water station to cheer us on and just seeing her there gave me a world of encouragement. I had passed by thousands of people holding signs for their loved ones, and I secretly wished there was someone rooting for me in the crowd - and seeing her there just made me feel oh-so-special.

Reaching the finish line was anti-climactic in some way - I expected exhilaration and I felt relief, and pain. I enjoyed the journey a lot more. I was definitely happy and proud (and the feeling kept growing through the day - I still can't believe I ran 13 miles at almost my regular pace), but came away from this experience humbled. Humbled by the unconditional support from the people of Pittsburgh, from my classmates, friends and family, and humbled by the grit and strength of the thousands of runners out there that ran faster than me.

To close out, this was reminiscent of my MBA time at Tepper - support is key. Always. Always. I can only hope that I can give out as much support as I have received through Tepper - educationally, emotionally, and socially. I have come out a different person - maybe not the smartest Tepper grad (there are way too many smart people here), but definitely among the happiest.

Bottom Line: Enjoy the journey to any destination and you will get there somehow.

The MBA Marathon

I was part of a webinar series here at Tepper where our wonderful admissions office organizes a webinar with a few second year students to give a sneak peek into a Tepper MBA student's second year life. Although this was not the first webinar, it was the last day of official class for me and it finally hit me that this whole journey has been a marathon of sorts. There have been good times and there have been times when I have doubted if I could get through the craziness. It is funny that my race is timed to right before graduation - such similar journeys coming to an end at the same time.

I compare the process of searching for and applying to business schools as training for a race in some way - I tried various ways to keep myself motivated (oh the long essays!, kept researching, kept trying to run more (better GMAT score anyone?) and farther, and eventually committed by registering for the half marathon (yay Tepper - it was a classmate and a very good friend of mine that made me commit by having me agree to pay him $500 if I don't run). I have no idea how the race is going to be like but all I know is that I will get through it and I will have a blast doing it. I am nervous, I am excited - all at the same time. Again, emotions that mirror how I felt when I first walked up the stairs toward Posner Hall to get my CMU ID.

Looking back on the two years, it has been a marathon well worth the pain - the friends I've made, the experiences that I've  had here, and the wealth of knowledge and love that I am taking with me, has made this the best two years of my life.

Bottom Line: MBA degree is a two year marathon - painful, fun, but well worth the effort!

Almost there

Three more days until the race and I am starting to get nervous. My pace is still pretty slow and my 3 mile run today was ridiculously painful (even though it was uphill), and it didn't boost my confidence that much. However, it was nice running with classmates. Tepper's Endurance Club has been organizing biweekly runs and stair climbs and swims and other activities, and my schedule hadn't allowed me to join them (also I was a little apprehensive about running with a group and being the last one holding the group back). I finally did today, and it definitely keeps the energy going for longer.

Being nervous is not too bad though - a little nervous energy always makes for a better performance (or that's how its been throughout all my dancing and public speaking opportunities). No matter how many times you go out on stage, you still want to run right before the curtains go up. The difference is that you choose to fight and not fly away.

Having these things to focus on takes some attention away from other final week activities. It is the beginning of the end and soon we will be saying goodbye. However, a good friend said that goodbyes aren't forever - it is essentially saying I'll miss you until I see you again.

Bottom Line: Use the nervous energy - go, go, go!

The hills - up or down

Today was my last long run, and while I didn't run as long as I wanted to, I ran on a track that was very hilly compared to my usual runs. I realized I hate steep hills (I mean, really, who doesn't?!) and I kinda loved downhill running (surprise surprise!). I did discover, however, that steep inclines are so much better than gradual inclines. I like pain in phases - not continual pain. I was extremely winded for most of this run, but in the end it felt good. While feeling good or bad was one thing, the effect on the body was another. Uphill climbs are supposed to be good for you and downhill runs mess up your knees. The feel-good things are worse for you and the pain is better - go figure.

I couldn't help but wonder about which one I'd prefer. If you think of hills as challenges that you face in life, would you rather be facing one painfully head on or run with an easy solution? Well, we all know what the "right" answer is but we never really do what is "right". It is a matter of convenience, ego, and pride most of the time. Often we forget that the uphill climb leads to a better view, a stronger body, and a run worth the pain and that a easy downhill run could provide instant gratification of speed and accomplishment, but it doesn't last too long.

Similar to choosing schools for your MBA or choosing classes within your MBA program - the pain now will pay off in the future. Tepper is a challenging program and the first year hits most students painfully, but at the end of the day the pain is well worth it. I was hesitant when I was evaluating programs and debating (I didn't debate for long) whether to come to Tepper, but now the view from the top has just been gorgeous making me look forward to my next uphill climb.

Bottom Line: Run up the hills (even if you are short of breath 99.9% of the time)

Fear of Missing Out

Ever since I've started running (seriously), I've had to make some tough calls on all the socializing that MBA student life entails. I can barely stay up past midnight, and I avoid coffee, alcohol, or anything that dehydrates me. And I need a good night's sleep. That rules out quite a few outings, and it is especially difficult when it is the last few days of your time with all your classmates and friends and you are hobbling around after a long 7 mile run. It has been a true test of my will power because I always have this fear of missing out (also a syndrome that Facebook encourages and also something that almost every MBA student goes through). Then again, other outings that do fit into the schedule and fit the no drinking, no late night requirements become more important. My goal of finishing this half marathon is fueled by some influential people in my life, and in-person or not, they somehow keep me accountable.

Business school means that there is way too much going on all the time and so how do you pick and choose what you want to do and what you don't want to do? While I believe that you always should do what you want to do, there are times when you should go to at least one outing that you wouldn't normally go to. I have to remind myself time and again, however, to focus on the "now", the "present" that I am in and not what I am missing out on elsewhere. It is especially difficult to not miss out on something when your family is away - birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, last days - and as sucky as that is, I've made my peace by resolving to give my all to the reason that I am missing out on something else. If I am skipping a class to sleep, then I sleep well, if I am foregoing a trip for a case competition, then I'll make the case competition fun. I'm only here today once. Tomorrow is tomorrow.

Bottom Line: Now matters most, tomorrow matters a good amount, yesterday is just gone and matters more to our journal than to us.

Hidden Energy

Potential - something we hear recruiters talk about all the time. I remember back in the day when I first learned about Kinetic and Potential energy (yes - big deal - everyone knows the two!), but I hadn't thought how long I would be using it, or a part of it. I ran, well a little more than I did last time, and towards the end of my run, I somehow burst into a sprint a couple times. I was absolutely exhausted by then and somehow managed to pull that off. I figure we all have that in us, but it is hidden.

It just made so much sense to me - all the "tap into your potential" or the "you have it in you" encouragement that you read about/ hear about - it may be literally true? Then again, I won't completely truly believe this until I can beat all those others that just blow past me like they put no effort into their runs. (Didn't I JUST write about running at your own pace in my last post? Running does make you competitive)

Bottom Line: There is a reserve of energy in you somewhere - just a matter of figuring out how and when to tap into it.

Slow and steady

Made some progress in getting closer to my pre-race 10 mile goal yesterday, although getting there is looking like it might not happen considering my ankle is acting up. I might have to rest longer in order to make the race (and not break my foot in the process).  I was thinking about how difficult it is to maintain your pace, especially in the company of others who are running at different paces. This is something I'll have to face on race day. Listening to music has helped me maintain my own rhythm recently, and I'm glad my playlist is slowly developing.

Business school, classes, projects, work have very many similarities when you think about pace. We all have our own pace of understanding, of learning, of performing, and it is important to identify that and try to improve it, but not get caught up in trying to catch up with others. My first year back at business school was rough because I was always playing catch up - until I decided not to. It takes away a lot of the stress and just makes you comfortable with where you are. It was quite the same at work - I can kill myself day in and day out trying to outpace others (and maybe myself), but is it really sustainable?

As people are going into their internships with high hopes of a full time offer and trying to prove to the company that they are indeed a good hire, I'd implore them to stay at their normal pace. That is the expectation you want to set to your future employer - that you can fit in doing your best at your pace, not at theirs. I've heard of a lot of interns killing themselves during their internships to make a good impression, but what happens when you get a full time job? Can you keep killing yourself for years to come? Food for thought.

Bottom Line: Continuous improvement is a must, but know your pace and improve at your pace; not at that of others.

Clarity

We have 30 days until graduation and half that until the Marathon, and the bitter sweetness is starting to set in. It isn't that I have any less work, it's just that I don't quite want to do much of it. I had written a post about running with an end in mind, but what is more difficult is running without a clear end, which is often true in life. Nothing is black and white, there is a lot of gray we have to deal with. With jobs, projects, people, relationships, and almost everything else - clarity is something that we define and sometimes it takes a while to get there.

I was thinking about this when I ran my longest run yesterday -  you don't know where the end is until you get close to it. How do you still keep going and tell yourself that there is something at the end? In Tepper's MIPD (Management of Innovation in Product Development) track, we go through this process of developing a product and until the last phases of the project, we are trying to clear the muddied waters of our thoughts and research and consumer behavior. Sometimes you may reach the end and realize that it wasn't really where you wanted to be, but you move on from it. You don't know until you get there, and until you take those first few steps toward it.

Bottom Line: Take the first few steps and see where you end up. Worst case scenario is that you'll keep moving forward.

Unlearning vs. Learning

You try and try to make a change, but sometimes the old habits come back to bite you in the butt. It's okay though - sometimes you need the reminder to get you back on track. You learn all about how to manage time in business school but more often than not you get so caught up in your to-do lists that you are just jumping from one task to the other with a laser-focus intent of checking things off and getting things done. But it is binding in some way - to go through a day solely based on this list of things - would it kill to not do one or many of them? So as my last mini approached, I thought, why not take a break from all that and just let my memory do the job - bad call! I'm back to scribbling out everything that needs to get done in my small little red book.

I couldn't run outside today (and I HATE running on the treadmill) because of the weather (yea I know it is a lame excuse - but it was snow-hailing and 32 degrees today so I can take a break) so I swam instead. The habit thing applies there too - I have a habit of overthinking things in the water (because I am trying not to drown!) and I realized that I am at my best when I am not thinking at all. My first two laps were just on pure adrenaline of me rushing to get into the water and trying to make the most of the empty lane. Later on, I started thinking about my technique  (or lack thereof) and how my breathing worked (or didn't rather) and add fatigue to that, and everything went haywire. Let's just say learning how to swim at this age (really - I'm not that old, but people usually learn to swim as toddlers!) is painfully slow.

We often revert back to old habits when we aren't on "top of our game" or tired or just don't care enough. While taking a break is important, I have realized that unlearning is just ridiculously hard and needs a lot of patience. I also experienced this when I was training under a new dance teacher - I had to become aware of my body all over again.

Bottom Line: Be patient when you are un-learning something. It's okay to lapse - key is to keep at it!

Panic.

I have 20 more days till the half marathon and I can't feel myself getting any stronger. It is a delicate balance trying to do everything that you want to do and train at the same time. I am nowhere close to where I should be and today's abysmal 3 mile run made me so exhausted and even though the night run in the moonlight was invigorating, it made me doubt whether this half marathon will be realized or not.

It's the last month of my business school journey and there is a lot that I want to do before this month is over, and that clashes with my ideal conditions to run. Tough choices, specially since I am one who'd wanna do it all. In today's texting generation (which I hate - it's great as an add-on or as a necessity but nothing more), it is easy to forget that in-person conversations are what make memories.

 Then, I saw a photo article of the Boston Marathon runners and I figured I should really stop complaining. I'll finish this half marathon, even if I have to walk it. And I'll make time for everything that I want to do and be happy with it.

Bottom Line: Stop complaining and just do it.

A little encouragement goes a long way

It has been almost two months since I've started running regularly and also have been talking about it. I can't emphasize how important it is when your friends and classmates encourage you when you are on a mission like this. Tepper, I think, is exceptional at this - there is honest encouragement and well-wishing almost always all around you. Just a simple, "How's your running going?" means so much - it makes me accountable to this challenge that I've undertaken. I don't think I realized the value of this until my dancing days. I have been so lucky to get constant support and encouragement from all my friends and family throughout high school - I don't think I could've stuck through it all if it weren't for them. An occasional "Great going" or "Keep it up" is such a boost - it shows that someone cares about this endeavor of mine too (even though they may not really, but thats the message I take away).

Equally important is encouraging others. I've caught myself not doing much of it and have been making a conscious effort to change that. Encouraging myself is also a skill - often we tend to be harsh on ourselves, but it is important to let some things go and take it easy. Well T-25 days and I've ran 9.7 miles this week (two runs combined sadly), but YAY!

Bottom Line: Encourage and show support to others' crazy endeavors - it'll come back to you.

It's all mental

"The mind gives up way before the body". - Quote from the book 'Ultra Marathon Man'

One of my friends always said that it is all mental - your pains, aches, what you like/ don't like (and yup - she is a doctor with a "just walk it off" response to any complaint any of her patients have). I read this in the book I am reading again, and as I ran today, I was determined to do 5 miles, even if I walked it all. It is amazing that my speed picks up at mile 3 and stays up afterward - my warmup time is almost two miles. Just pushing myself to that fifth mile felt incredible and setting low expectations and beating it felt even better. For someone who once claimed to not be able to run a mile, I have now ran 5 miles (in one go!) and it is incredible to me how much of a mind game it is. Of course physical conditioning is necessary, but endurance is all mental.

A can-do attitude is very contagious, and business school of all places teaches you that pretty quickly. When you are working in groups on projects that may or may not be to your liking or with people that you like, you stick to your guns and make the best of the experience. There is always a worse scenario that you could be in - always. Here is a story that will put anyone's woes about having a hard life to shame: http://www.upworthy.com/a-gorgeous-woman-shakes-her-body-on-stage-and-the-crowd-goes-wild?g=3&c=ufb1

Bottom Line: Make the best of what you have. You have the power.

Missing running

I haven't ran in about four days now, due to massive dance practices for Tepper's International Festival and pain in my shins. I decided to give myself a rest but I am all set to start back up again. I went to see the Banff Mountain Film Festival this weekend and a couple of the short films 35 and Keeper of the Mountains were so very interesting, especially since they were both completely different takes on life. The first one talks about living out your dreams instead of just dreaming about them, and the next has a message of satisfaction, about being content with what you have. It was interesting that the speaker in the first one was 35 years old, and the next was 80+.

I think of running as my thinking time and time to reflect on what I am running toward and what I am running from. I am raring for that time again. There was another short film (short but long - almost an hour long) where a quote was "I am not running after time here" and it was interesting because we do tend to run after it, to make the most of it. Specially in business school when there is so much going on. I have a little more than four weeks here and I plan to make the most of it - it is interesting that my perspective has changed now that I know my time in school is limited. We tend to spend a lot of time bickering, worrying, wondering about what ifs - but all that time is time wasted not doing what you want to do. I want to make memories - good ones, and then relive them for as long as I run.

Bottom Line: Focus on making memories. Now. 

Oh the pain!

Went on a run today and my shins were killing me throughout the entire run. Dance and running dont seem to go together very well, so I'll need to figure out a way to balance the two at least this week until the show on Friday is over. Shin splints don't seem very fun from what I've read and the last thing I need is to overdo it now and not be able to run the half marathon in a month. My reading through 'Ultra Marathon Man' continues and his thoughts about running not being fun always (well 50 mile runs cannot be fun.), resonated with me. He talks about running being enjoyable but not really fun - my pain today was just a reminder of how difficult journey to goals can be. But when do we call it quits and realize that it is too much to handle? Take a job that is "challenging" for example, when do you stick it through and when do you decide that it is not for you? The answer may just revert back to the book again where he talks about running with your heart. Heart, gut, whatever you call it - you'll know when it's good pain and when it is bad. (hopefully - I am in trouble if my heart or gut is wrong)

Bottom Line: Follow your heart and know the difference between good and bad pain for you

Distractions are necessary to focus

Running has been my focus for the past couple months - even when I'm not running, I'm thinking about running. So far I've been running without music or headphones (and have written about it too) because I liked to listen to the sounds around me and not drown it all with music. Today, I broke that rule and created a playlist as I embarked on my personal longest run (total of 4.4 miles - can you believe that?!). A friend mentioned to me that maybe I need a distraction and so I tried music as the distraction. While I still believe that for my initial attempts at running it was a good idea to not have music, for the longer runs, music absolutely helps. Even if for 0.5% of the time, it distracts you from the pain, from the urge to stop and collapse, from the fact that you are still a loooong way from your target, and that in turn gets you closer to your goal. 

I completely concur with the theory that when you are totally focused on something, having a distraction here and there helps you get out of your tunnel vision and then come back to the task at hand with renewed vigor. I remember my first mini at Tepper when I was trying to get all my coursework done and understand everything, no matter how much time it took. It was all fine and dandy, but a couple dinners and social outings here and there served as fine distractions that made me realize that the overall experience was not just academics. It is about listening to others' stories, getting inspired to do something more (and of course get all your homework done - but you get my point). 

Bottom Line: In some weird convoluted way, distractions help you stay focused so welcome them

Getting through the pain

I have been swimming on my non-running days and I must say that it is quite the workout. I cannot swim (well, I can swim a little more now than a couple months ago), and have been taking classes and making slow progress. Painful progress - much like my running training. Between running and swimming and dance practice for Tepper's annual International Festival, I have been working out at least four hours a DAY. By the end of the day, I am completely exhausted and my body is in constant pain. So constant, that I tend to forget about it sometimes.

A friend recommended reading the book Ultra Marathon Man by Dean Karnazes and this particular quote in the book "He who suffers remembers" (from a Fortune cookie!), struck me as very true. I am a classical Indian dancer and I've been dancing for years, but I've never been great at it - I'm good, but not the best - but I keep at it. I had to struggle with low stamina and preparing for shows was more painful for me than for others, because I had to work twice as hard to get my stamina up. I definitely did suffer, and I remember it all and the suffering made me never give up (weird, yes?). I had invested so much that I just could not give up. I wonder if it is true of all skills and of life in general. Take the Tepper experience for example - we are put through a grind in our first year, more so than other business schools, but we remember the pain and cherish it in some twisted way (after having finished that phase of course) and are proud of having gone through it, together. Makes us stronger together.

Another quote from the book about pushing yourself : "If it felt good, you didn't push hard enough. It should hurt like hell." Now, that is testing the boundaries.

Bottom Line: Embrace the pain now, you'll cherish it later and be better off for having gone through it.

Good company makes all the difference

Ever since I started running regularly, I have been a bit apprehensive about running with someone else. My pace is my pace - I cannot change it to match someone else's; I didn't want to. I didn't want to slow anyone else down or feel pressured to run faster or longer. I ran with a friend during my last run and it made the process so much easier that we were in sync. The first mile was my fastest although the slower miles got a little slower because we were chatting while catching our breath, the entire run felt much easier. I did realize that doing something with someone you like, makes things so much easier.

The logic applies to jobs as well - my recent conversation with a friend about how much she loved the job she is signing up for led to a discussion about how the people you work with/ surround yourself with can make or break a job. Good work can keep you occupied for a while, but good people can keep you hooked and inspire you to do better work for life - and that matters more (well, to me atleast).

Bottom Line: Good people make challenges easier, make you want to take on more.

When the cold doesn't bother you anymore

I was bracing myself for the cold as I stepped out for my run today. My phone said it was 32 degrees (Pittsburgh doesn't seem to understand that it is spring already!)- I was waiting for the temperature to hit 35 all day, but I realized that 32 is the best I could manage in my timeframe. I layered myself up, I warmed up more than usual before stepping out, and to my pleasant surprise, it wasn't that bad at all. Granted, the sun peeked through the clouds for a bit, but even with my layers and gloves and a soon-to-disappear cough, the cold was the least of my concerns. I was focused on finishing the 3+ miles without feeling miserable. I had hydrated myself plenty for the last day (to avoid the same mistake as yesterday - it really felt like the end of my running obsession when I was curled up in a ball waiting for my nausea to go away) - and even though my pace didn't improve by leaps and bounds, I was ready to do another mini lap when I reached home and THAT was a great feeling. 

I passed a few people and I thought back to the time when I used to look at all the runners and think that they were batshit crazy (I'm not gonna lie - I fell in that category even before this running experiment). I am joining the club - officially. It just drove home the point that I can never understand someone else's perspective until I truly completely put myself in their shoes. I've also noticed that over the course of two years, people have changed and my opinion of people has changed too - it is important to be open to change that first impression. Someone might just be having a bad day or a good day for that matter. 

Bottom Line: Be patient with the crazies - you might end up on their side some day. =)

Motivation is a funny thing

I definitely pushed myself harder today - after a 3.2 mile run, I was exhausted, semi-nauseous, and had a splitting headache (the human body is so weird!). Running is becoming more and more of a mental game now - every time I am out there, I'm setting different goals - "Run until the stop sign, make it to the edge of that street, catch up with the couple running ahead of me" - and sometimes, it is as simple as "Just run so you can get home faster and plop down". I still love running without headphones - specially now that spring is here (it snowed yesterday so not too sure about that), it is so nice to hear the birds chirping and the wind blowing through the trees. The first two miles weren't bad at all - I think my body is now used to that. The last mile was just brutal. Guess the end goal makes it all worth it? The most brutal part, I must say, was when I ran by a restaurant and got a whiff of delicious fries. It took all my will power to not succumb and keep running (I probably shouldn't run with my credit card in the future - rationalizing myself out of this one was very difficult thanks to the fact that I had an avenue to pay for the fried goodness).

Motivation is a funny thing - different "tricks" work at different times. The key is to keep finding something - the minute you don't have a need/want to find a source of motivation, you have already lost out. There are always lulls - periods when not doing anything just sounds fantastic and probably IS fantastic - the longer the lulls, the more difficult it is to get out of them. When I travelled with my Tepper MBA folks to Morocco this past couple weeks, there was a couple in the group that went running every day. I regret not going with them, (yup - I was lazy.) but it was inspiring to see them not use vacation as an excuse to not run.

Bottom Line: Never stop finding your sources of motivation - the more the merrier.

It's game time!

Last mini of the MBA program, and less than five weeks until the half marathon, and I can still only consistently run maybe 2.5 miles. This will be a challenge indeed - my goal is to finish this half marathon and not be swept up by the trucks at the end. That is all. No intention of a Personal Record (heck - completing this thing will be one helluva personal record). It is time to buckle up and get on this. I'm glad that I committed to this and signed up - now there is no looking back.

Meanwhile, the past ten days were spent in Morocco and Madrid, eating and drinking away. I thought walking would build up my stamina but my 2.5 mile run yesterday proved otherwise (Can I use the fact that I was sick as an excuse?). At this point I do want to try a longer run sometime soon - but am scared of pushing myself too much. I hope the weather co-operates in the next few weeks. I did see a LOT of runners in Morocco - mostly male and maybe a female or two here and there (with their full hijab which was impressive). It was very refreshing - I wonder if I am noticing runners more now that I am running as well. I still hate everyone that passes by me and look like they are having a wonderful time while I am using every drop of my mental strength to not stop and go back to my apartment and plop down on the couch.

Bottom Line: Making a public commitment will help you not give up. (also helps when there is money involved)

Pushing through gets harder and harder

I'd like to say that it gets easier, but really you just figure out how to get through it - there is no such thing as easy. My second run was after a late night out with classmates, and it was brutal. I hit my 3 mile mark today and I did walk for a lot of it, but I hit 3 miles and my best pace in a long time (no clue how that happened - I thought I was going to keel over and die). Right after I started running, when the aftermath of alcohol intake hit me, I just wanted to turn around and head home (it's amazing how many muscles can start aching) and I saw someone else running - so I decided to keep at it for a little longer. Even if I walked, I just wanted to hit the 3 mile mark today - so I did.

Similar to assignments (so first year - its all about projects and papers now) sometimes, when you have five assignments in one week and you know there is no possible way you can get them all done to perfection without pulling all nighters, you just get as much as you can done and head to bed. The goal is to put your best foot forward (and hope you don't hit black ice and break your already aching bones).

Bottom Line: Things don't get easier with time, you make it easier.

When giving up is not an option

I thought I had given up on running. I haven't ran since the last time I posted in November, and I have been busy, and the weather hasn't been very conducive either (if you can call snowy ice laden roads not conducive)  so I haven't quite missed it. Today, however, I decided to put on my running gear and just go. I needed some alone time. I needed to clear my head. I needed to connect with me. There are times in business school when you are around too many people all the time - group projects, student government meetings, building committee meetings, study groups, birthdays, goodbyes - and you lose yourself, your inspiration. Running today gave me a much needed inspirational boost and some time to myself.

I remember starting at Tepper and last year around this time, I was trying to figure out how to get an internship. I was rejected from multiple places that I really wanted - not enough leadership experience, doesn't have a passion for marketing, etc. etc. It was a humbling experience, needless to say, but I kept chugging on and so did many of my classmates. I see a lot of my successors going through the same process, but the key is just not giving up. Things will never go exactly as you want (swimming may not be as easy as the five year olds make it out to be and you may never find the big australian hunk to fall in love with), but keeping your head high and chugging along will open up opportunities that are meant more for you than those you were running toward.

And so, with a somewhat clear head, and a reminder to keep going, I start my series of posts leading up to the Pittsburgh marathon!

Bottom Line: Sometimes you think you've given up on something, but maybe that something just ran away for a little bit.