Almost there

Three more days until the race and I am starting to get nervous. My pace is still pretty slow and my 3 mile run today was ridiculously painful (even though it was uphill), and it didn't boost my confidence that much. However, it was nice running with classmates. Tepper's Endurance Club has been organizing biweekly runs and stair climbs and swims and other activities, and my schedule hadn't allowed me to join them (also I was a little apprehensive about running with a group and being the last one holding the group back). I finally did today, and it definitely keeps the energy going for longer.

Being nervous is not too bad though - a little nervous energy always makes for a better performance (or that's how its been throughout all my dancing and public speaking opportunities). No matter how many times you go out on stage, you still want to run right before the curtains go up. The difference is that you choose to fight and not fly away.

Having these things to focus on takes some attention away from other final week activities. It is the beginning of the end and soon we will be saying goodbye. However, a good friend said that goodbyes aren't forever - it is essentially saying I'll miss you until I see you again.

Bottom Line: Use the nervous energy - go, go, go!

The hills - up or down

Today was my last long run, and while I didn't run as long as I wanted to, I ran on a track that was very hilly compared to my usual runs. I realized I hate steep hills (I mean, really, who doesn't?!) and I kinda loved downhill running (surprise surprise!). I did discover, however, that steep inclines are so much better than gradual inclines. I like pain in phases - not continual pain. I was extremely winded for most of this run, but in the end it felt good. While feeling good or bad was one thing, the effect on the body was another. Uphill climbs are supposed to be good for you and downhill runs mess up your knees. The feel-good things are worse for you and the pain is better - go figure.

I couldn't help but wonder about which one I'd prefer. If you think of hills as challenges that you face in life, would you rather be facing one painfully head on or run with an easy solution? Well, we all know what the "right" answer is but we never really do what is "right". It is a matter of convenience, ego, and pride most of the time. Often we forget that the uphill climb leads to a better view, a stronger body, and a run worth the pain and that a easy downhill run could provide instant gratification of speed and accomplishment, but it doesn't last too long.

Similar to choosing schools for your MBA or choosing classes within your MBA program - the pain now will pay off in the future. Tepper is a challenging program and the first year hits most students painfully, but at the end of the day the pain is well worth it. I was hesitant when I was evaluating programs and debating (I didn't debate for long) whether to come to Tepper, but now the view from the top has just been gorgeous making me look forward to my next uphill climb.

Bottom Line: Run up the hills (even if you are short of breath 99.9% of the time)

Fear of Missing Out

Ever since I've started running (seriously), I've had to make some tough calls on all the socializing that MBA student life entails. I can barely stay up past midnight, and I avoid coffee, alcohol, or anything that dehydrates me. And I need a good night's sleep. That rules out quite a few outings, and it is especially difficult when it is the last few days of your time with all your classmates and friends and you are hobbling around after a long 7 mile run. It has been a true test of my will power because I always have this fear of missing out (also a syndrome that Facebook encourages and also something that almost every MBA student goes through). Then again, other outings that do fit into the schedule and fit the no drinking, no late night requirements become more important. My goal of finishing this half marathon is fueled by some influential people in my life, and in-person or not, they somehow keep me accountable.

Business school means that there is way too much going on all the time and so how do you pick and choose what you want to do and what you don't want to do? While I believe that you always should do what you want to do, there are times when you should go to at least one outing that you wouldn't normally go to. I have to remind myself time and again, however, to focus on the "now", the "present" that I am in and not what I am missing out on elsewhere. It is especially difficult to not miss out on something when your family is away - birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, last days - and as sucky as that is, I've made my peace by resolving to give my all to the reason that I am missing out on something else. If I am skipping a class to sleep, then I sleep well, if I am foregoing a trip for a case competition, then I'll make the case competition fun. I'm only here today once. Tomorrow is tomorrow.

Bottom Line: Now matters most, tomorrow matters a good amount, yesterday is just gone and matters more to our journal than to us.

Hidden Energy

Potential - something we hear recruiters talk about all the time. I remember back in the day when I first learned about Kinetic and Potential energy (yes - big deal - everyone knows the two!), but I hadn't thought how long I would be using it, or a part of it. I ran, well a little more than I did last time, and towards the end of my run, I somehow burst into a sprint a couple times. I was absolutely exhausted by then and somehow managed to pull that off. I figure we all have that in us, but it is hidden.

It just made so much sense to me - all the "tap into your potential" or the "you have it in you" encouragement that you read about/ hear about - it may be literally true? Then again, I won't completely truly believe this until I can beat all those others that just blow past me like they put no effort into their runs. (Didn't I JUST write about running at your own pace in my last post? Running does make you competitive)

Bottom Line: There is a reserve of energy in you somewhere - just a matter of figuring out how and when to tap into it.

Slow and steady

Made some progress in getting closer to my pre-race 10 mile goal yesterday, although getting there is looking like it might not happen considering my ankle is acting up. I might have to rest longer in order to make the race (and not break my foot in the process).  I was thinking about how difficult it is to maintain your pace, especially in the company of others who are running at different paces. This is something I'll have to face on race day. Listening to music has helped me maintain my own rhythm recently, and I'm glad my playlist is slowly developing.

Business school, classes, projects, work have very many similarities when you think about pace. We all have our own pace of understanding, of learning, of performing, and it is important to identify that and try to improve it, but not get caught up in trying to catch up with others. My first year back at business school was rough because I was always playing catch up - until I decided not to. It takes away a lot of the stress and just makes you comfortable with where you are. It was quite the same at work - I can kill myself day in and day out trying to outpace others (and maybe myself), but is it really sustainable?

As people are going into their internships with high hopes of a full time offer and trying to prove to the company that they are indeed a good hire, I'd implore them to stay at their normal pace. That is the expectation you want to set to your future employer - that you can fit in doing your best at your pace, not at theirs. I've heard of a lot of interns killing themselves during their internships to make a good impression, but what happens when you get a full time job? Can you keep killing yourself for years to come? Food for thought.

Bottom Line: Continuous improvement is a must, but know your pace and improve at your pace; not at that of others.

Clarity

We have 30 days until graduation and half that until the Marathon, and the bitter sweetness is starting to set in. It isn't that I have any less work, it's just that I don't quite want to do much of it. I had written a post about running with an end in mind, but what is more difficult is running without a clear end, which is often true in life. Nothing is black and white, there is a lot of gray we have to deal with. With jobs, projects, people, relationships, and almost everything else - clarity is something that we define and sometimes it takes a while to get there.

I was thinking about this when I ran my longest run yesterday -  you don't know where the end is until you get close to it. How do you still keep going and tell yourself that there is something at the end? In Tepper's MIPD (Management of Innovation in Product Development) track, we go through this process of developing a product and until the last phases of the project, we are trying to clear the muddied waters of our thoughts and research and consumer behavior. Sometimes you may reach the end and realize that it wasn't really where you wanted to be, but you move on from it. You don't know until you get there, and until you take those first few steps toward it.

Bottom Line: Take the first few steps and see where you end up. Worst case scenario is that you'll keep moving forward.

Unlearning vs. Learning

You try and try to make a change, but sometimes the old habits come back to bite you in the butt. It's okay though - sometimes you need the reminder to get you back on track. You learn all about how to manage time in business school but more often than not you get so caught up in your to-do lists that you are just jumping from one task to the other with a laser-focus intent of checking things off and getting things done. But it is binding in some way - to go through a day solely based on this list of things - would it kill to not do one or many of them? So as my last mini approached, I thought, why not take a break from all that and just let my memory do the job - bad call! I'm back to scribbling out everything that needs to get done in my small little red book.

I couldn't run outside today (and I HATE running on the treadmill) because of the weather (yea I know it is a lame excuse - but it was snow-hailing and 32 degrees today so I can take a break) so I swam instead. The habit thing applies there too - I have a habit of overthinking things in the water (because I am trying not to drown!) and I realized that I am at my best when I am not thinking at all. My first two laps were just on pure adrenaline of me rushing to get into the water and trying to make the most of the empty lane. Later on, I started thinking about my technique  (or lack thereof) and how my breathing worked (or didn't rather) and add fatigue to that, and everything went haywire. Let's just say learning how to swim at this age (really - I'm not that old, but people usually learn to swim as toddlers!) is painfully slow.

We often revert back to old habits when we aren't on "top of our game" or tired or just don't care enough. While taking a break is important, I have realized that unlearning is just ridiculously hard and needs a lot of patience. I also experienced this when I was training under a new dance teacher - I had to become aware of my body all over again.

Bottom Line: Be patient when you are un-learning something. It's okay to lapse - key is to keep at it!

Panic.

I have 20 more days till the half marathon and I can't feel myself getting any stronger. It is a delicate balance trying to do everything that you want to do and train at the same time. I am nowhere close to where I should be and today's abysmal 3 mile run made me so exhausted and even though the night run in the moonlight was invigorating, it made me doubt whether this half marathon will be realized or not.

It's the last month of my business school journey and there is a lot that I want to do before this month is over, and that clashes with my ideal conditions to run. Tough choices, specially since I am one who'd wanna do it all. In today's texting generation (which I hate - it's great as an add-on or as a necessity but nothing more), it is easy to forget that in-person conversations are what make memories.

 Then, I saw a photo article of the Boston Marathon runners and I figured I should really stop complaining. I'll finish this half marathon, even if I have to walk it. And I'll make time for everything that I want to do and be happy with it.

Bottom Line: Stop complaining and just do it.

A little encouragement goes a long way

It has been almost two months since I've started running regularly and also have been talking about it. I can't emphasize how important it is when your friends and classmates encourage you when you are on a mission like this. Tepper, I think, is exceptional at this - there is honest encouragement and well-wishing almost always all around you. Just a simple, "How's your running going?" means so much - it makes me accountable to this challenge that I've undertaken. I don't think I realized the value of this until my dancing days. I have been so lucky to get constant support and encouragement from all my friends and family throughout high school - I don't think I could've stuck through it all if it weren't for them. An occasional "Great going" or "Keep it up" is such a boost - it shows that someone cares about this endeavor of mine too (even though they may not really, but thats the message I take away).

Equally important is encouraging others. I've caught myself not doing much of it and have been making a conscious effort to change that. Encouraging myself is also a skill - often we tend to be harsh on ourselves, but it is important to let some things go and take it easy. Well T-25 days and I've ran 9.7 miles this week (two runs combined sadly), but YAY!

Bottom Line: Encourage and show support to others' crazy endeavors - it'll come back to you.

It's all mental

"The mind gives up way before the body". - Quote from the book 'Ultra Marathon Man'

One of my friends always said that it is all mental - your pains, aches, what you like/ don't like (and yup - she is a doctor with a "just walk it off" response to any complaint any of her patients have). I read this in the book I am reading again, and as I ran today, I was determined to do 5 miles, even if I walked it all. It is amazing that my speed picks up at mile 3 and stays up afterward - my warmup time is almost two miles. Just pushing myself to that fifth mile felt incredible and setting low expectations and beating it felt even better. For someone who once claimed to not be able to run a mile, I have now ran 5 miles (in one go!) and it is incredible to me how much of a mind game it is. Of course physical conditioning is necessary, but endurance is all mental.

A can-do attitude is very contagious, and business school of all places teaches you that pretty quickly. When you are working in groups on projects that may or may not be to your liking or with people that you like, you stick to your guns and make the best of the experience. There is always a worse scenario that you could be in - always. Here is a story that will put anyone's woes about having a hard life to shame: http://www.upworthy.com/a-gorgeous-woman-shakes-her-body-on-stage-and-the-crowd-goes-wild?g=3&c=ufb1

Bottom Line: Make the best of what you have. You have the power.

Missing running

I haven't ran in about four days now, due to massive dance practices for Tepper's International Festival and pain in my shins. I decided to give myself a rest but I am all set to start back up again. I went to see the Banff Mountain Film Festival this weekend and a couple of the short films 35 and Keeper of the Mountains were so very interesting, especially since they were both completely different takes on life. The first one talks about living out your dreams instead of just dreaming about them, and the next has a message of satisfaction, about being content with what you have. It was interesting that the speaker in the first one was 35 years old, and the next was 80+.

I think of running as my thinking time and time to reflect on what I am running toward and what I am running from. I am raring for that time again. There was another short film (short but long - almost an hour long) where a quote was "I am not running after time here" and it was interesting because we do tend to run after it, to make the most of it. Specially in business school when there is so much going on. I have a little more than four weeks here and I plan to make the most of it - it is interesting that my perspective has changed now that I know my time in school is limited. We tend to spend a lot of time bickering, worrying, wondering about what ifs - but all that time is time wasted not doing what you want to do. I want to make memories - good ones, and then relive them for as long as I run.

Bottom Line: Focus on making memories. Now. 

Oh the pain!

Went on a run today and my shins were killing me throughout the entire run. Dance and running dont seem to go together very well, so I'll need to figure out a way to balance the two at least this week until the show on Friday is over. Shin splints don't seem very fun from what I've read and the last thing I need is to overdo it now and not be able to run the half marathon in a month. My reading through 'Ultra Marathon Man' continues and his thoughts about running not being fun always (well 50 mile runs cannot be fun.), resonated with me. He talks about running being enjoyable but not really fun - my pain today was just a reminder of how difficult journey to goals can be. But when do we call it quits and realize that it is too much to handle? Take a job that is "challenging" for example, when do you stick it through and when do you decide that it is not for you? The answer may just revert back to the book again where he talks about running with your heart. Heart, gut, whatever you call it - you'll know when it's good pain and when it is bad. (hopefully - I am in trouble if my heart or gut is wrong)

Bottom Line: Follow your heart and know the difference between good and bad pain for you