When all you want to do is run...

I haven't been running in more than a week and I miss it and I never thought that I would. I miss the daily exercise of focusing just on my (super short) run, my muscle cramps, and my out-of-breath-ness. I hate doing any form of exercise in the presence of people - that is me-time and I hate being seen. Unfortunately, I am in a country where solitude in the open is either difficult to come by or dangerous when you do come by it. However, I can't let this be an excuse and so brisk walks, if not runs, are in order for the next week.

There are times when other priorities take over due to unforeseen incidents, when you don't give a rat's ass about anything other than what's at hand. I have discovered though that it is important to have something to look forward to, something in the future that involves just you. Business school (any grad school for that matter) sometimes is a getaway from the regular life - being a student gives you certain luxuries including time away from being a "responsible" adult (no wonder we see so many eternal students!). Last year, this time, all I could think about was the first day of class, my resume, recruiting, and getting ahead. Today, I am missing the first week, and am only bothered with doing what is necessary to get through the first mini, and spend as much time as I can with family and friends (including and especially those at Tepper, who have been supportive beyond belief), and continue to spread smiles.

Bottom Line: Having something to look forward to can get you through tough times.

Same recipe + different conditions = Different Dish

There are things that you are naturally good at and others that you have to work very hard to get good at. A month into my new adventure, I have realized that running will have to be the latter of the two for me - it does not come naturally (unless there is a syringe behind me - I used to be deathly afraid of shots - or a dessert running away from me). As with any challenge, your hard work pays off initially - I can run 0.3 miles consistently without keeling over (of course between walking and running, I cover 1.8 mi at least)- and then there are lulls - that 0.3 mile statistic hasn't quite improved. The thing is though that other key parts have changed! Thanks to Runkeeper's constant encouragement, I know that I burned the most calories today compared to my previous runs (and then promptly went out to eat a humungous dinner to make up for it of course).

An MBA, and maybe any grad degree for that matter, seems to be the same way (from my experience at least). Initially you work hard and you see the results, and then later on, the same work doesn't yield the same results. Priorities change; interviews come up; people's reactions (or lack thereof) cause chaos, rejections happen. You put in the same amount of effort, if not more, but the effort direction changes and hence the outcomes. Simple, yes? (well duh, I'm no expert to be blogging about this)  If I continue to gage my "MBA success" by my GPA, I am, for the lack of a better term, a fool. The metrics (eesh!) that gage whether my outcome is good or bad need to change too.

Bottom Line: A run is a lap around those sitting on the couch, even if it is only 0.3 miles.

Running with an end in mind

I have heard this at many stages in life that I need to have an end goal to work towards in order to be successful at what I am doing. My first race at school, my first essay, my first dance performance - look at the finish line, think of the big picture message, ensure you cover the stage - are all examples of when I was told to visualize the end. I have never seen it work quite as well as it did with my running. I started off running and looking at my feet, but the minute I started to look at the tree that I wanted to reach or the bench that I wanted to pass, and focus on that instead of my feet, things changed dramatically. I am still just as tired and in pain when I am done running, but the feeling of accomplishment when you cross that goal that you set for yourself, dulls the pain. Keeping the end goal in mind helps you push yourself through those last steps that might not have happened.

Last year, the end goal seemed to be making it through the first year alive and sane (alive - yes, sane - questionable). Last year it was also about getting that killer internship - and I took a risk and ventured into unknown terrain, that has turned out to be a great learning adventure so far. This year it seems to be about getting that ideal job (that statistics say I will leave in about two years after graduation anyway) and while the end goal pushes you through to the finish line, I wouldn't want it to make me miss out on the actual journey.

Bottom Line: Finish lines are good - the more you look at them, the closer they get.

Just breathe and enjoy the road!

Breathing - something so simple and so innate to our body and yet, we often neglect to breathe well. I am not the master of it - nowhere close, in fact it is something I am working on. I have yet to set a rhythm with my running and breathing. I ran-walked a mile and a half yesterday and realized that I barely breathe in the beginning and get out of breath really quickly (duh!). I guess I try to run at a pace that I think I should be running at, not what I feel I should be running at. Breathing (well) helps with pacing yourself and even though I am nowhere close to being able to run long distances, it is something to look forward to.

At this time last year during Basecamp, I had thought I had the hang of being a first year MBA student. Please know that classes will hit you like a slap in the face and there is no rhythm or pace to those first two minis, and yet you will establish one of your own by the end. The main thing to do is take a deep breath and realize that we all have our unique pacing and that keeping up with the outside standards will be a challenge sometimes.

Bottom Line: Breathing makes you stick to your own rhythm, and of course, keeps you alive.

Slow down

The weekend was my "rest time" - in quotes because I think I walked more than I've ran in the past two weeks! Getting to see the Niagara gorge though, was absolutely worth it. I wasn't very keen about hiking for hours on end, but still went along with a friend and had a great experience. The greenery and the sound of the running river water were mesmerizing! It made me wonder though about the difference between walking and running. I've always liked walking - at least I don't have to worry about keeling over and being out of breath. It just lets me take in a lot more of my surroundings in. The greenery on this particular hike just helped me clear my mind. Somewhere at the end of our 5 (ish) mile hike, I just stood around staring at leaves and thinking about just how green and beautiful they were. Slowing down is helpful sometimes.

The first year of MBA studies doesn't always give much time to slow down, but the time is very much necessary - to keep calm, to keep clear, and to maintain optimism. We rarely ever stop to say hi to the shuttle drivers or ask them how their day was, or chat with the cafe server who only caters to MBA students who are running late for a class or a meeting or a party. Slowing down helps us pay attention to things we might have missed, had we been running, and yet running might be the only way to get to our destination in time.

Bottom Line: Walking brings more into you, running takes more out of you. It is a (probably stupid) play on words - appreciate them both. 

Starting jitters!

I am a scaredy cat - big time! I am afraid of heights, of the dark, and of big hairy spiders (well, I don't know if this one counts - who isn't scared of big hairy spiders, unless you are one?). I also get scared when I am starting something new - scared that I might be doing the wrong thing, scared that the results of this new adventure might not be what I expected it to be, scared of all the things that might go wrong. Kind of why I was terrified when I first embarked on this whole MBA journey.

Basecamp (Tepper's 3 week orientation program) was the big introduction to the MBA world for me. I still (and will forever) vividly remember my first day walking up to campus to pick up my ID and walking up the stairs of Posner Hall (Tepper's main building), thanking my lucky stars (and also wondering when CMU might realize that they had made a mistake by letting me in) and just feeling immensely grateful and petrified of what lay ahead. The unknown is a scary realm ( I got a taste of that when I moved countries at the age of 17). I had to face this fight or flight moment and swallow my fears and put my best foot forward (as a dancer, you kind of learn that early on - the show goes on, no matter how scared you are). You don't need to have it all figured out (I honestly don't think I ever will) because the process of learning and changing is continuous.

Running is also similar in that I am anxious that my ambitious plan to pick up running as a hobby might not be conducive for my knees, and my goal of running a half marathon might disappear among my other priorities. I get jitters every time I head out for a run - will my knee hurt this time? Will my performance improve this time? Will I be less tired? Should I even go out for a run?

These jitters that I get before starting something new only help me do better, and prepare better. But at the end of the day, the jitters are worth embracing because even if the result wasn't what I expected, I will be thankful that I did something that I almost didn't do.

Bottom Line: Embrace the starting jitters as part of the adventure, unless of course it's the five cups of coffee that is causing it.

Honeymoon Phase

As with all experiences, running also seems to have its honeymoon phase. The time when everything about it is new and hence appealing because you are in love with it, in some sense. I love how the wind blows in my face (not because of the my speed, mostly because it is windy out here) and the feeling of victory when I run past the goal that I set for myself. I adore the scenery (I mean, just look at the place that I run in - it is gorgeous and a motivation for me to keep going back - but it will only last the summer unfortunately) and the sounds around me (no - I don't like to drown everything out with loud music - especially when that everything includes the sound of chirping birds and rustling leaves) and I have even come to like the pain running puts me in (it reminds me of my experience with dancing, when I actually started to crave the muscle soreness).

I know that this phase will end soon, specially as the weather changes, but the question is whether I will keep pushing past my honeymoon phase knowing that it will get tougher (and easier in some ways). After my knee injury I decided to buy a good pair of running shoes - I hate shopping most of the time, and I was not going to go to a store to get me started. Plus, I knew that it would only give me an excuse to put off running. A friend gave me her old issues of Runnersworld and there was a simple map in there on what the optimal shoes are for how much you run and how much support you think you need. This might not have been the most researched decision of my life, but I ended up buying Saucony's Omni 11 and I am happy with it so far, plus it fits all the criteria for the right pair of running shoes.

The first few weeks in Pittsburgh was definitely part of the honeymoon phase of my MBA - I loved the city, the food, the beer, the people, the school - it was all new. I felt like the most fortunate person in the entire world for having had the opportunity to be at Tepper. I keep reminding myself of that feeling - because it is easy to lose sight of that in the daily assignment submissions, the club meetings, and the project work. The true test of any relationship is how you like it after the newness wears off - and I still love the city, the food, the beer, the people, and the school - for different reasons now because I know them all better, but I still love them.

Bottom Line: Enjoy the honeymoon, but know and anticipate that the beer goggles wear off afterward.