Pushing through gets harder and harder

I'd like to say that it gets easier, but really you just figure out how to get through it - there is no such thing as easy. My second run was after a late night out with classmates, and it was brutal. I hit my 3 mile mark today and I did walk for a lot of it, but I hit 3 miles and my best pace in a long time (no clue how that happened - I thought I was going to keel over and die). Right after I started running, when the aftermath of alcohol intake hit me, I just wanted to turn around and head home (it's amazing how many muscles can start aching) and I saw someone else running - so I decided to keep at it for a little longer. Even if I walked, I just wanted to hit the 3 mile mark today - so I did.

Similar to assignments (so first year - its all about projects and papers now) sometimes, when you have five assignments in one week and you know there is no possible way you can get them all done to perfection without pulling all nighters, you just get as much as you can done and head to bed. The goal is to put your best foot forward (and hope you don't hit black ice and break your already aching bones).

Bottom Line: Things don't get easier with time, you make it easier.

When giving up is not an option

I thought I had given up on running. I haven't ran since the last time I posted in November, and I have been busy, and the weather hasn't been very conducive either (if you can call snowy ice laden roads not conducive)  so I haven't quite missed it. Today, however, I decided to put on my running gear and just go. I needed some alone time. I needed to clear my head. I needed to connect with me. There are times in business school when you are around too many people all the time - group projects, student government meetings, building committee meetings, study groups, birthdays, goodbyes - and you lose yourself, your inspiration. Running today gave me a much needed inspirational boost and some time to myself.

I remember starting at Tepper and last year around this time, I was trying to figure out how to get an internship. I was rejected from multiple places that I really wanted - not enough leadership experience, doesn't have a passion for marketing, etc. etc. It was a humbling experience, needless to say, but I kept chugging on and so did many of my classmates. I see a lot of my successors going through the same process, but the key is just not giving up. Things will never go exactly as you want (swimming may not be as easy as the five year olds make it out to be and you may never find the big australian hunk to fall in love with), but keeping your head high and chugging along will open up opportunities that are meant more for you than those you were running toward.

And so, with a somewhat clear head, and a reminder to keep going, I start my series of posts leading up to the Pittsburgh marathon!

Bottom Line: Sometimes you think you've given up on something, but maybe that something just ran away for a little bit.

What is your Net Impact?

I haven't run in a while, for a variety of reasons (that I call excuses), but when I started writing this blog, it was meant to be as much about my success at running as it was about my failure, and at the same time, about my life as a second year MBA student. I'll come back to my running, but first...

I attended my first Net Impact conference this year - it was in San Jose at the convention center. Net Impact is a community of more than 40,000 student and professional leaders creating positive social and environmental change in the workplace and the world. The annual conference that is organized at different locations every year (last year it was at Baltimore), brings together various Net Impact club members from different business schools and also professional chapters (I did not know you can continue once you start working!). The conference had a variety of inspirational speakers who are inducing sustainability into the small business world as well as the big corporation universe. It was very inspiring to hear about people my age who broke the mould to go do something different, something with a purpose that doesn't revolve around "me" but "us". It was also such great exposure to companies that I haven't come across - the opening keynote speakers were the founder/ CEOs of Kiva.org, Dosomething.org, and Carrotmob/ The Spring. I think the theme of the entire conference was 'dare to do something different' because each and every one of us that were there, were there and interested for a reason and maybe not all of us are working toward something big, but we are supporting and sharing ideas and thoughts in the same realm. The best part was that I didn't feel judged that I wasn't in that arena - everyone was just happy talking about what they did, and they just wanted listeners. More about the sessions I liked in the next posts (I should've probably started posting right after the conference but I like to mull things and let them marinate a bit - plus this is an ongoing conversation).

Back to the running - I won't list out all my excuses (well, maybe just a few -  it IS cold, I was traveling, and I have had back issues, and there is a lot of work...), but I realize now that I haven't ran in two weeks and I can't get myself to start back up. I am looking for that inspiration to get up and get moving again - despite the cold (and probably on the treadmill that I dread so much). Yup - this is a low, as far as running is concerned - but its not the end.

Bottom Line: Go to the next Net Impact conference - get inspired to be different!

Ups and downs, but one helluva ride!

I think I might have hit an all time low in my running ability this morning - 1 mile, barely. I haven't run since my last post, so it has been a few days (ironic, since my last post was about consistency). It felt like starting all over again - it is amazing how much my stamina just drops in a few days. I was talking to a close friend about this and she agreed that sometimes you just hit a wall. I didn't quite get a resolution out of the chat, but it made me feel so much better that someone else feels the same pain that I do. It's easy to keep going when things are going well, but when the running is painful and there is no time (thank you finals!), there is need for some motivation.

I kind of got that motivation/ inspiration today when I watched Gravity, finally! I watched it by myself, because I hate waiting on others to do something that I really want to do (and yet, this was the first time in the past two and a half + decades that I did this alone). So having checked that off my things-to-do-on-my-own list, the only thing I missed was the post-movie analysis of the movie - that is by far my favorite part of watching a movie with someone else. Anyway, the movie was all about not quitting and the quote (and no, its not a spoiler, because you need some context to understand this in relation to the movie) "Regardless of what the outcome, it is going to be one hell of a ride!" definitely stuck with me. I think this somehow links back to my post on expectations - if you expect an outcome, you start thinking about the repercussions, but if you are in it for the ride, then the outcome doesn't matter. I definitely was of this belief going into business school, but I think somewhere along the way I got carried away and started focusing too much on outcomes. Another discussion (I love conversations like these!) with one of my close friends just reinforced this - give without expectations.

Talking about fears and secrets is always tough, and even with your closest friends, it requires courage to show someone that you are vulnerable. I think that is why I hadn't attempted to run for so long, because it made me feel inadequate, because I knew I had horrible stamina. Talking about this experiment of mine, knowing fully well that I might fail (I'm looking into how fast I can walk this half marathon without being disqualified!), required courage on my part - and I am proud of myself for doing this. (Of course, serendipitously, the glass with "liquid courage" written on it, was my birthday gift!) I think business school is definitely a time for self reflection, among other things, when you go through the rigor of the first year and still have a straight head and when you  go through that first round of rejections from your dream companies and can still talk about it (over and over again!).

Speaking of courage and up/downs, I came across this 40 days of Dating project, which caught my attention because doing something like this in public is insanely risky, and because my design class piqued my interest in the lives of designers, and both Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman are designers and they kind of put their thought process out there. I absolutely LOVE the concept of lettering and am probably going to try it out at some point.

Bottom Line: Focus on the journey instead of the outcome (unless you are in the economy section on a 28-hr flight - outcome aka destination is a MUCH better focal point!)

Consistency matters

My last run was brutal - I was out of breath a lot and it might have been a factor of just being exhausted, but I made my regular run and was able to run faster in some of my intervals, but slowed down a LOT during my walking times. I noticed that my pace wasn't consistent throughout my run - it would be a lot faster when I first start, and then slow down. I wondered if I went slower, if I could run longer - although it should, my gut said no. Something to try on my next run. This made me wonder whether consistency, not just in pace of running but also the route that I run, and the time of day that I run, makes a difference in developing this habit of running. I've also noticed that this church that stands in my path has been such a weird source of comfort - thats where I start my run and end - but just seeing it stand there in all its majesty inspires me to start my run and tells me that I'm almost there when I come back.

This made me wonder about consistency in performance during Business School - school work, recruiting, friendships. There is just so much to do over the first year that you are behind on some things almost all the time. Juggling and prioritizing becomes such an important and necessary skill. Throw recruiting into this mix and some interviews are good and some are not depending on your state of mind and it is all part of the game. It definitely affects morale a bit (a lot in some cases). Being consistent with the work you deliver sets certain expectations with teammates/ classmates, but how do you bring consistency when all other conditions are varying at a mile-a-minute? A class that you like but need to put in time (which you never have enough of during business school) combined with classes that you don't like and recruiting and family and extra-curriculars - it is insanity! Weirdly enough, there are still some patterns that emerge - consistently late (but still do your part), consistently absent, consistently inclusive or exclusive. There are also other patterns that define your relationships - people who care and show that they care, people who may be nowhere near you but make an effort to stay in touch, people who drop off the face of the earth when they are no longer near you (propinquity! - I remember something from class), people who can take one look at you and realize something's off. When you go through a rough time (and in two years, there will be a rough time), you realize the importance of consistency.

Bottom Line: Consistency matters (not just in cooking)

Breakthrough!

Does patience actually pay off? Not always (unfortunately), but right now for me, I feel like it did. I was able to run the first 0.5 miles of my 2.5 miles (hell yes!) run without keeling over or having to stop! It feels incredible to have made some progress (although I have a creeping suspicion that the cup of chai I had right before I ran may have had something to do with it) and I think staying in (for the most part) over the weekend and actually eating proper meals, and sleeping (helloooo second year MBA when this is actually a possibility) helped! It is unbelievable how much that one small teeny tiny progress made me feel so much better - like this whole running thing might actually be getting me somewhere (of course I might completely change my mind after my next run). The morale boost was much needed!

After this run, I am pondering on how necessary a breakthrough is in life - putting it in the context of business school - that first interview, that first job/ internship offer, that first successful event that you organize, the first set of midterms that you pass (yes - pass - Probability & Statistics class at Tepper will have you running for the hills) makes a world of a difference! Even if that breakthrough doesn't result in something concrete, it reinforces the confidence you have in yourself (and yes, no matter how awesome you are, EVERYONE goes through moments of self doubt at some point or the other). Sometimes that moment of mini-success comes right along your way without you doing anything, and sometimes you have to work hard - very hard - for it, and sometimes you have to be on the lookout for it. A jump from 0.35 mi (and this is how I felt when I first started running) to 0.5 mi is not very big, but I was looking for it, and I wanted it.

Bottom Line - Look for the small breakthroughs; they make a difference.

Taking the backseat

Running has taken a backseat this week with oh-so-much going on at school, and I have also been feeling a little unwell, so I thought I'd give my body a bit of rest. It is weird though how I see people running and I just want to run, the weather being so nice and all (which is going to change very very soon). However, I know that I shouldn't and/or have other priorities to take care of, and so unwillingly I don't run. Putting something on the back-burner - I have learnt - is a skill.

Leadership is something you hear so much of during Business School. I can't tell you how many times we've had to prove to someone that we have led people and managed people and led teams to success (starting with the business school applications!).  I'm not sure if everyone realizes that leadership is not always about taking the lead - I think it is also about giving up the lead when you know something at hand is someone else's strong-suit. Knowing when to stay out of the limelight, is also a skill, and an important one at that. I wonder if we will ever be asked the question - "Tell me about a time when you gave up your lead and let someone else shine".

Bottom Line: Stepping back is as important as stepping up.