Unlearning vs. Learning

You try and try to make a change, but sometimes the old habits come back to bite you in the butt. It's okay though - sometimes you need the reminder to get you back on track. You learn all about how to manage time in business school but more often than not you get so caught up in your to-do lists that you are just jumping from one task to the other with a laser-focus intent of checking things off and getting things done. But it is binding in some way - to go through a day solely based on this list of things - would it kill to not do one or many of them? So as my last mini approached, I thought, why not take a break from all that and just let my memory do the job - bad call! I'm back to scribbling out everything that needs to get done in my small little red book.

I couldn't run outside today (and I HATE running on the treadmill) because of the weather (yea I know it is a lame excuse - but it was snow-hailing and 32 degrees today so I can take a break) so I swam instead. The habit thing applies there too - I have a habit of overthinking things in the water (because I am trying not to drown!) and I realized that I am at my best when I am not thinking at all. My first two laps were just on pure adrenaline of me rushing to get into the water and trying to make the most of the empty lane. Later on, I started thinking about my technique  (or lack thereof) and how my breathing worked (or didn't rather) and add fatigue to that, and everything went haywire. Let's just say learning how to swim at this age (really - I'm not that old, but people usually learn to swim as toddlers!) is painfully slow.

We often revert back to old habits when we aren't on "top of our game" or tired or just don't care enough. While taking a break is important, I have realized that unlearning is just ridiculously hard and needs a lot of patience. I also experienced this when I was training under a new dance teacher - I had to become aware of my body all over again.

Bottom Line: Be patient when you are un-learning something. It's okay to lapse - key is to keep at it!

Panic.

I have 20 more days till the half marathon and I can't feel myself getting any stronger. It is a delicate balance trying to do everything that you want to do and train at the same time. I am nowhere close to where I should be and today's abysmal 3 mile run made me so exhausted and even though the night run in the moonlight was invigorating, it made me doubt whether this half marathon will be realized or not.

It's the last month of my business school journey and there is a lot that I want to do before this month is over, and that clashes with my ideal conditions to run. Tough choices, specially since I am one who'd wanna do it all. In today's texting generation (which I hate - it's great as an add-on or as a necessity but nothing more), it is easy to forget that in-person conversations are what make memories.

 Then, I saw a photo article of the Boston Marathon runners and I figured I should really stop complaining. I'll finish this half marathon, even if I have to walk it. And I'll make time for everything that I want to do and be happy with it.

Bottom Line: Stop complaining and just do it.

A little encouragement goes a long way

It has been almost two months since I've started running regularly and also have been talking about it. I can't emphasize how important it is when your friends and classmates encourage you when you are on a mission like this. Tepper, I think, is exceptional at this - there is honest encouragement and well-wishing almost always all around you. Just a simple, "How's your running going?" means so much - it makes me accountable to this challenge that I've undertaken. I don't think I realized the value of this until my dancing days. I have been so lucky to get constant support and encouragement from all my friends and family throughout high school - I don't think I could've stuck through it all if it weren't for them. An occasional "Great going" or "Keep it up" is such a boost - it shows that someone cares about this endeavor of mine too (even though they may not really, but thats the message I take away).

Equally important is encouraging others. I've caught myself not doing much of it and have been making a conscious effort to change that. Encouraging myself is also a skill - often we tend to be harsh on ourselves, but it is important to let some things go and take it easy. Well T-25 days and I've ran 9.7 miles this week (two runs combined sadly), but YAY!

Bottom Line: Encourage and show support to others' crazy endeavors - it'll come back to you.

It's all mental

"The mind gives up way before the body". - Quote from the book 'Ultra Marathon Man'

One of my friends always said that it is all mental - your pains, aches, what you like/ don't like (and yup - she is a doctor with a "just walk it off" response to any complaint any of her patients have). I read this in the book I am reading again, and as I ran today, I was determined to do 5 miles, even if I walked it all. It is amazing that my speed picks up at mile 3 and stays up afterward - my warmup time is almost two miles. Just pushing myself to that fifth mile felt incredible and setting low expectations and beating it felt even better. For someone who once claimed to not be able to run a mile, I have now ran 5 miles (in one go!) and it is incredible to me how much of a mind game it is. Of course physical conditioning is necessary, but endurance is all mental.

A can-do attitude is very contagious, and business school of all places teaches you that pretty quickly. When you are working in groups on projects that may or may not be to your liking or with people that you like, you stick to your guns and make the best of the experience. There is always a worse scenario that you could be in - always. Here is a story that will put anyone's woes about having a hard life to shame: http://www.upworthy.com/a-gorgeous-woman-shakes-her-body-on-stage-and-the-crowd-goes-wild?g=3&c=ufb1

Bottom Line: Make the best of what you have. You have the power.

Missing running

I haven't ran in about four days now, due to massive dance practices for Tepper's International Festival and pain in my shins. I decided to give myself a rest but I am all set to start back up again. I went to see the Banff Mountain Film Festival this weekend and a couple of the short films 35 and Keeper of the Mountains were so very interesting, especially since they were both completely different takes on life. The first one talks about living out your dreams instead of just dreaming about them, and the next has a message of satisfaction, about being content with what you have. It was interesting that the speaker in the first one was 35 years old, and the next was 80+.

I think of running as my thinking time and time to reflect on what I am running toward and what I am running from. I am raring for that time again. There was another short film (short but long - almost an hour long) where a quote was "I am not running after time here" and it was interesting because we do tend to run after it, to make the most of it. Specially in business school when there is so much going on. I have a little more than four weeks here and I plan to make the most of it - it is interesting that my perspective has changed now that I know my time in school is limited. We tend to spend a lot of time bickering, worrying, wondering about what ifs - but all that time is time wasted not doing what you want to do. I want to make memories - good ones, and then relive them for as long as I run.

Bottom Line: Focus on making memories. Now. 

Oh the pain!

Went on a run today and my shins were killing me throughout the entire run. Dance and running dont seem to go together very well, so I'll need to figure out a way to balance the two at least this week until the show on Friday is over. Shin splints don't seem very fun from what I've read and the last thing I need is to overdo it now and not be able to run the half marathon in a month. My reading through 'Ultra Marathon Man' continues and his thoughts about running not being fun always (well 50 mile runs cannot be fun.), resonated with me. He talks about running being enjoyable but not really fun - my pain today was just a reminder of how difficult journey to goals can be. But when do we call it quits and realize that it is too much to handle? Take a job that is "challenging" for example, when do you stick it through and when do you decide that it is not for you? The answer may just revert back to the book again where he talks about running with your heart. Heart, gut, whatever you call it - you'll know when it's good pain and when it is bad. (hopefully - I am in trouble if my heart or gut is wrong)

Bottom Line: Follow your heart and know the difference between good and bad pain for you

Distractions are necessary to focus

Running has been my focus for the past couple months - even when I'm not running, I'm thinking about running. So far I've been running without music or headphones (and have written about it too) because I liked to listen to the sounds around me and not drown it all with music. Today, I broke that rule and created a playlist as I embarked on my personal longest run (total of 4.4 miles - can you believe that?!). A friend mentioned to me that maybe I need a distraction and so I tried music as the distraction. While I still believe that for my initial attempts at running it was a good idea to not have music, for the longer runs, music absolutely helps. Even if for 0.5% of the time, it distracts you from the pain, from the urge to stop and collapse, from the fact that you are still a loooong way from your target, and that in turn gets you closer to your goal. 

I completely concur with the theory that when you are totally focused on something, having a distraction here and there helps you get out of your tunnel vision and then come back to the task at hand with renewed vigor. I remember my first mini at Tepper when I was trying to get all my coursework done and understand everything, no matter how much time it took. It was all fine and dandy, but a couple dinners and social outings here and there served as fine distractions that made me realize that the overall experience was not just academics. It is about listening to others' stories, getting inspired to do something more (and of course get all your homework done - but you get my point). 

Bottom Line: In some weird convoluted way, distractions help you stay focused so welcome them